Can suicide (ever) be an option?
There has been a lack of updates for the last week
and while I know I only have to apologize to myself,
I’ll let you know the reason anyway.
I good friend of mine tried to kill himself last week.
If someone attempts suicide everybody will tell you “oh, that’s just a cry for help”;
And I guess they are right … inh 99.9% of all cases.
But not every suicide attempt is a cry for help.
And this one surely was not.
Why am I so sure?
There was no long and winded goodby letter, explaining the whys.
There was just a short note to his girlfriend telling here that it’s not her fault and he hopes she will become happy one day.
He has been asking for help for years and has stopped about a year ago, realizing there is no one that can help. (For the last 7 years he suffered from a very serious chronic pain condition without any chance of healing.)
He didn’t put on a big show. He just took a knife from the kitchen and tried to cut his wrists. (He grabbed the wrong, very dull, knife, that’s why he survived.)
The question for me is:
Can suicide be an option?
****I honor life – and I think it’s the most valuable thing we have,
but in some cases, might it be ok to surrender?
__I’m not sure.
I’ve been down that deep myself
and on a totally rational and objective level there wasn’t anything worth living for anymore.
Having reached all your life-goals.
Being in constant pain, without any hope of ever getting better.
So why am I still here?
Two (main) reasons:
I’m not afraid of death, but I’m horrified of dying.
The trip to the other side – which I don’t believe in anyway – is just a gruesome thought to me. All the pain in the last minutes before finally being free of it, is just too much.
There were always other’s dependent on me.
How would my girlfriend survive without me. What would my little brother think. Etc.
I talked to my friend for almost 10 hours during the last few days.
And I fully understand what and why he tried to do what he tried to do.
And there is one more thing:
Now that he tried – and failed,
I know he will never (at least not vor a very long time) try it again.
He told me that when he sat there trying to cut with the dull knife,
everything was clear.
Giving up may be an option,
but it shouldn’t be one that is considered easy.