Looking at it objectively situation is not that bad at all,
but … it just doesn’t feel that way.
Yes, I Iost the job.
But I never liked it anyway
and they pushed some extra money my way – to keep my mouth shut – so I am almost debt free right now.
I’ll also get paid for another three month – without having to work a single day.
Yes, she doesn’t want to be “my girlfriend” – right now.
But we still have a lot of fun together
and the “girlfriend-option” is still open.
I didn’t even annouce yet that I’m open for new job offers at the end of the year,
but I already got two (maybe three) lined up.
I finally have the time, money and mindset to get the old CPPS-problem fixed.
And right now – halfway into the treatments – it looks like we will crack it this time.
It took only nine years and three month to get there.
I’m also working on my psychological issues.
With professional help.
Even got the Hypno-session I’ve been wanting to do for the last few years.
And it’s already helping.
So why am I not getting any happier?
Or am I?
I guess I am, but these minor bursts of being sad just won’t let me see how much I’m actually improving.
it will be a long way to the top,
but I am already stronger than I was half a year ago.
Now if I only manage to get back into a normal rythm everything will be splendid soon.
And if I manage to let go of that feeling to “want her too much” the universe can start working it’s mysterious ways
and give me what I need.
It always has – and always will.
I think I’m already on my way back up,
I just didn’t really realize it yet.
And the rock bottom I hit a few weeks ago is actually far higher than most people will ever get in their whole lifetime.
I will pull so much strength and wisdom out of this – nothing will be able to stop me anymore.